sadness
It has a way of creeping up on you. I’ve been feeling it coming and going for weeks but somehow I’d been doing a pretty good job of keeping it at bay. Last night I failed miserably. Thursday and Friday I partied hard. I know people thought I was just having fun but I was running. Running away from all the pain I’ve been feeling inside. After I left all my friends and the buzz went away it all came crashing down. It hit so hard I couldn’t breathe. I sat here with my heart pounding and tears rolling down my face. There was a lump in my throat the size of a tennis ball and I couldn’t swallow it. I’m not incredibly religious but I do believe in God so I asked him “Lord why doesn’t this pain end? Why can’t I just deal with it?” People try to bullshit me into believing that mourning gets easier my question is WHEN?!
