JaeB

my thoughts

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 20:22:22 -0500

I hate it when people ask how old you are then look at your ring finger to see if a ring is present. It’s almost tempting to go out and buy one to avoid the awkward feeling of having to explain why I don’t have one.

True I’m 33 but a husband doesn’t seem to fit in my life plan right now. I have enough to take care of. It is kinda scary when I ask myself “Who’s gonna take care of me?”

but a second later…I’m over it

I'm Overwhelmed

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 23:48:01 -0500

Tonight I am full of emotion. I watched elderly neighbors stand in 49 degree weather this morning, joints aching, in Sunday’s best to vote. The gravity of what we were voting for hit like a ton of bricks. Yeah you’ve read about it and of course you’ve gathered that this election would mean so much to so many african americans but I FELT it. I was in tears realizing just how much this would uplift my community.

Friends and family drove others by the truckload to the polls just to cast their vote no matter who they chose. People that were happily ignorant about politics years ago could speak fluently about the issues and the candidates.

My daughter can tell her children about everything that went on today….

I am so incredibly PROUD that the world, young and old can see that ANYTHING is possible…

my heart is full.

release

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 20:09:00 -0400

I need to release the anger the place has created in me. I need to release the frustration. I need to stop letting what I can’t control drive me to the point of losing control. I need to release. I need to stop letting my lack of respect for those I once respected show on my face. I need to stop losing sight of what’s beautiful in my life when I want to crush someone’s head with my hands. I need to release the darkness that’s taken over who I am, who I was to become. I need to let it go now before the bastards make me release…

warning .....adult content

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:18:34 -0400

I’ve never felt the need to use such a vulgar, nasty, and awful word like “cunt” before but today I totally called someone that, and wanted to call her that to her face….then I realized, I totally grossed myself out!

I’ve never experienced such petty, sneaky BS in my life and the first word I thought of was THAT word.

I’m going to go shower. I feel dirty.

We had a great time

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 10:47:27 -0400

We had a great time

Mills’ Rockstar status ;0

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 10:45:32 -0400

Mills’ Rockstar status ;0

The End Of Summer

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 11:52:00 -0400

It’s been a while since I took the time to post but I’ve been really busy. My family worked really hard to put together a family gathering and it was a Huge success! So many family members and friends came. All of the younger kids thought Mills was a “Rockstar”. We had a blast!

The best part of the day was when my mom was laughing and dancing until she just couldn’t anymore. I can’t remember the last time she did that.

The BET Awards

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 07:28:31 -0400

Last night I watched the BET awards show. The highlight for me was seeing TLC, SWV, and Envogue united for an Alicia Keys performance. Though ghetto fabulous as usual, this year’s shows offered a lot of surprises that i enjoyed. They even featured Al Green. That alone made me very happy. One sad thing is that Usher…is…NOT…sexy anymore!

Good afternoon

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 13:02:03 -0400

I woke this morning in a good mood. I’m not sure if it’s because I didn’t rush to get the kids to school and me to work, or if i’m finally shaking the funk I was in. I’m party planning at it’s a lot of fun. I haven’t had one since my college graduation. I’m inviting as many friends and family members as I can so everyone can meet and mingle with everyone and just enjoy the day. I’m looking forward to it.

*oh yeah..my FRIEND Syd said other people were more important that me so she’s standing us up but I forgive her*

Im pissed

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 21:55:04 -0400

The judges on “So You Think You Can Dance” are as Tiph says…”Booty”

This is one of my favorite pics of Mills. He was relaxed and...

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 20:55:44 -0400

This is one of my favorite pics of Mills. He was relaxed and simply enjoying the company of friends. Syd’s B-day party was awesome.

ah ha

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 20:52:31 -0400

I was upstairs talking to Mills and Syd when our conversation made me realize something (this always happens when I’m there with them) I’ve become the person I thought I’d never be..always sitting at my desk avoiding conversation with most of the office. When my old boss told me this is what she chose to do years ago I thought she was nuts, I mean why say at your desk when there’s no much going on? Well now I know. There’s a LOT going on, mean spiteful talk, back stabbing, sneaky underhandedness *if I didn’t make that word up*

Is it cowardly to be at my desk? Am I simply laying low so I won’t be a victim? nah, I think not. They talk about me anyway. In simple terms….SCREW THEM.

Today

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 20:50:00 -0400

Today I wore a hot mama skirt, not to be a hot mama, but simply because I could finally fit into it and still breathe. So what if I looked like a sausage…

Happy Father's day!

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 09:05:26 -0400

This is the text I’ve gotten so many times this morning. While I appreciate what they’re saying(because I am super mom & dad with my kids) it’s oddly depressing. Who would have thought I’d end up in such a situation?

But to all of you men who actually step up to the plate and play your role as you should…HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!!! Enjoy every bit of it.

*sidebar* why are there only recliners, beer, and tools mentioned on father’s day commercials?* blech

well

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 21:27:42 -0400

Guess who went to work on her day off? Me! I realized it then turned it into a 1/2 day. I thought about all the things I needed to do and decided to do what I wanted do..Go see The Sex And The City movie! I loved the show and loved the movie. I’m not usually that type of girl but it may just be me being drawn to the pointless lables I’ll never afford. Anyhoo I went to Kona grill afterward. My mom tried sushi folks! Lemme tell you it was a HUGE development in trying to help her become more open minded. Today was a happy day.

mills: At lunch, sandwiched between real men, during Syd’s...

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 22:50:07 -0400

mills:

At lunch, sandwiched between real men, during Syd’s “Brotastic Saturday.” Even the waitress helpfully noted that I was scrawny.

Syd

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 22:05:01 -0400

She’s a wonderful person. One of our mutal friends commented on the fact that no matter how brief your visits are with her she always makes you feel that she is excited to see you and is interested in what’s going on in your life. We need more people like her.

Changes

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 21:18:45 -0400

I’ve gone through several changes over the past month and I’m unsure if they’re all good or bad. I sacrifice for my family so we all can live better but the selfish side of me wants what it wants.

I’m holding on by a thread so I won’t slip into the darkness my mind takes me to during times when I’m uncertain, or have difficult things to deal with. I don’t like that place. The best way to describe it all would be to say my thoughts seem all jumbled and it almost seems like I’m having arguments with myself in my head meanwhile asking God for forgiveness for any mean or selfish thought that crosses my mind.

Sometimes people piss me off so bad I feel rage that makes my blood boil. It’s almost like I can feel it bubble beneath my flesh. Then as quickly as it came it goes. Lucky for them.

Other times people make me happy, excited, thrilled that they are with me in that moment. I wish there were more moments like those.

There are times when I’m alone when I see a beautiful cloud, bird, field, or precious moment that reminds me how wonderful life can be.

I miss being in love. The sweet priceless kind that wraps you in warmth, and fills your nostrils with the scent of that one you hold dear.

All things happen in time and for a reason. This includes this present storm thats brewing in my head.

I’ll wait patiently because as they say..”This too shall pass.”

Amazing…

Fri, 30 May 2008 12:27:45 -0400

Amazing…

Simple Things make my day

Wed, 28 May 2008 22:37:37 -0400

I went to visit Mills today and it made things so much better. He was in a hilarious mood and was making mini videos of everyone. I watched as many as i could and really cracked up. I won’t mention the things he said about poor Syd.

I noticed that he has “e-crushes” and he finds it so hard to believe. He’s a smart hottie and that isn’t a combo you find often. Sooner or later he’ll realize he’s hot then we’ll have to make bigger doorways for the swollen ego.

Our visit made my day. I need to make it a point to have them more often. I LOVE my friends.